* HOW TO MAKE THE PERFECT BREW ! *

 

 

Now then who's heard of the ancient new age technique called "Try Tea" ?

It's rather technical and needs a lot of practise to get it right. I reckon after fifty odd years perfecting the practise, I'm a dab hand at it and can call meself a Guru in this department. I generally find a biscuit enhances the technique but it's an optional extra for those of you who are concerned about yer waist line or yer wheat allergy.

Any road up chucks, what you need is a kettle, a cup, saucer if yer very posh, and a nice bag on a string. I've always been partial to string bags anyway and vests come to think of it - I reckon they let more air in, but that's another topic. Stan always used to wear a string vest until he got it caught on the lightshade when we were investigating the korma sutra in days gone by. I said he really should have eaten his curry at the dining table cos it got in a terrible mess on the bed covers …any road up I'm digressing again…no, main point is luv, kettle on. Well, water in, then kettle on.


Now then dangle that bag in the cup, and when the water boils, pour it on. I'm saying that cos most of us these days live lonely old lives in our lonely little boxes and we don't have the time of day to share a pot with another soul.


So, what I'm going to suggest is very RADICAL NEW AGE PRACTISE. It's called sharing a cuppa with yer neighbour. Now then you don't need a garden fence but it does help. If you haven't got one, go and find someone who has. Then I want you to say in a very loud voice "HELLO NEIGHBOUR !!! FANCY A CUPPA ?!"


You see how long since you did that ? Most of us like to mind our ps and qs and not get too friendly with the neighbours especially if we don't like the flavours or smells coming out of their kitchens. But I reckon that's where we're going wrong. We're too proud to sample each others lapsang souchong. We'd all rather stick to the square ones we know. Well luvs it's time to bring those net curtains down, stop peeking and prying and pretending not to notice or care. It's time to share our pots and our tea bags, with strings and all, and put our feet up in each other's living room.


Anyway that's what I was saying on the phone to Buckingham Palace the other day, but I'm still waiting for the invite. Meanwhile I'm organising garden parties of me own. Why don't you ?


Another thing about me "Try Tea" workshop is that it doesn't work in an urn luv. It's too deep, takes too long to boil and by and large yer fingers get burnt. And I don't know about you but I've had 'em burnt once too often in this life. So I'm not saying it's not right to have a fancy urn but I am saying a small pot's better. At least to start with. Otherwise if all the neighbours come round at once chances are you won't get to know anyone well enough to really care. And any road up they don't make spoons with long enough handles nor bags with long enough strings. At least not yet. I wonder if someone will spot that gap in the market and invent a tea bag with an extra long string. If Stanley had had extra long string on his vest he wouldn't have had that nasty accident. But that's another story.


Thanks for listening. I've enjoyed "sharing" with you, as we say in the New Age.

 

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